When you work in the sex toy industry, it’s inevitable that you get all kinds of clients. From the nice and curious to the downright weird, we get all sorts of customers out there all looking to explore the wonderful world of sex toys. However, there is one type of customer that seems to be a common type among those who frequent our inquiry box. They are the Closet Carlas (or Carlos for the guys). In this article, we tackle who they are, and what advice we can give them so they can be free of their closets, and reach their full Carlo or Carla potential.
Who exactly are the Closet Carlas/Carlos? These are potential customers who are actually quite interested to buy and know more about sex toys, but have a number of hesitations or concerns that prevent them from stepping out of their closets. Below, we show you some common concerns among the guys and girls of this customer type, and how we address each concern with some sexily positive advice.
- Closet Carlas are often worried that they look “slutty” or “easy”.
One common concern for the Closet Carlas that we encounter is that sex toys make them look promiscuous. They’re often worried that if people know they have, or are even just interested in sex toys, they’ll be thought of as “easy” or addicted to sex. Thinking like this often comes from the belief that women using sex toys is an uncommon and unnatural thing. However, a study recently showed that worldwide, 50% of women start or have already used a sex toy by their 20s (Chatel, 2014).
While society does have certain views about women and sex (a topic to be tackled next time—mmm-hmm, don’t get us started ‘bout that just yet!), Closet Carlas don’t have to feel alone or as unnatural as they initially thought themselves to be. In fact, not only do a lot of women want to try sex toys, some people actually need them! According to recent findings, about 75% of all women worldwide have are unable to orgasm through intercourse alone, with most needing the assistance of their own hand or a toy (James, 2009). For most women, using sex toys is more a matter of heightening their enjoyment for sex, and exploring their bodies rather than being “easy” or “addicted to sex”.
- Closet Carlos often don’t see the need for sex toys.
“Why would I need sex toys? I’m fine all on my own.” is a common statement heard from Closet Carlos. These guys often scoff at the idea that they need sex toys with the thinking that if they use sex toys, they either a) weren’t enough to satisfy their partner or b) something’s wrong with their junk that they needed the help of a sex toy to get things done. A sex therapist by the name of Vanessa Marin counters this by saying that rather than taking away from the capability of the person using the toy, sex toys actually help develop bedroom and self-pleasure creativity. Rather than something being wrong with the person, she says that sex toys help take something that already worked to a newer more enjoyable level whether it’s for the person’s solo play or for some bedroom excitement with a partner (Chatel, 2014) and who would say ‘No!’ to better orgasms?
- Closet Carlas worry that if they use sex toys, they’ll get de-virginized
“Baka kapag gumamit ako niya, di na ako virgin pagtapos (If I use a sex toy, I might not be a virgin anymore afterwards)” Whether or not we want to admit it, society places a premium on virginity. Whether you’ve lost it or not, and how you’ve lost it can sometimes lead to severe judgment from peers. When it comes to sex toys, Closet Carlas fear that by using one, they will lose their virginity, whether it be because they use the sex toy or because they worry it will tear the hymen. By definition, a virgin is someone who has never had sex; However, defining whether or not someone is still a virgin is a trickier job because defining what counts as sex and what would count towards “losing one’s virginity” varies from person to person. While the definition of whether or not you’re still a virgin depends a lot on how you see things, a majority of people asked said that they don’t count playing with toys, or masturbating as things that can make you lose your virginity ("Are you still a virgin if you’ve used a dildo?", 2017). Ultimately, whether or not you think you’ve lost your virginity depends on you, and what you think defines your virginity. The good news is we got your back not matter what you believe in! Meaning, we have toys for everyone and every level of curiosity and we’re here to support not to judge so V(irgin!) or not, you’re welcome here!
- Closet Carlos often harbor a worry that if they use sex toys in the relationship, they’ll eventually get replaced by it.
Getting replaced by someone else in a relationship is horrible. Getting replaced by a sex toy is a whole new level of awful. These are the thoughts of some Closet Carlos who worry that their significant other will enjoy the toy in bed more than them. Sex researcher Vanessa Marin says that as long as the relationship dynamic of the two people are healthy, sex toys should enhance novelty and intimacy in the bedroom. Sex toys can provide ways for couples to try and explore new things together creating a shared sense of intimacy about discovering something new. As long as communication and consent is present, people should have no worries about being replaced by sex toys as ultimately, its still what you decide to do as a couple that will make the experience great (Chatel, 2014).
Are you still a virgin if you’ve used a dildo?. (2017). Plannedparenthood.org. Retrieved 20 September 2017, from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/ask-experts/if-you-use-a-dildo-does-that-mean-that-youve-lost-your-virginity
Chatel, A. (2014). 8 Facts Put the Biggest Myths About Sex Toys to Bed. Mic.com. Retrieved 20 September 2017, from https://mic.com/articles/104262/8-non-awkward-facts-to-end-sex-toy-squeamishness-once-and-for-all#.uhM4VcTcO
James, S. (2009). Rule of Thumb: The Key to Female Orgasm?. ABC News. Retrieved 20 September 2017, from http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289
By: AJ Lim